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GREATEST HITS!

2003-03-11 - 10:49 p.m.

Crackheads Greatest Hits

i mean my dad is cool and all...but the LAST thing i wanna imagine is my dad goin AUUUUGHHHAARHH uhhh uhh" with my mom

aol hollers that i have mail...yippie...prolly more porn mail or mail telling me how i can grow my dick another 3 inches...as if 2 inches wasnt enuff already!! those greedy bastards!

i might have a skewed outlook on life...but who doesnt...everybodys view is skewed compared to somebody elses view..if they werent...then they'd all be the same and that means we'd be a bunch o robots...robots suck ass...unless they could do my dishes..then i would take that last statement back...

when myself and the now exwife got married...our honeymoon took us to St Thomas and we got a bottle of Jose there for like...8 bux...hella cheap...we said we'd go back there on our 5th anniversary and drink it...well..we never made it that far...got the final papers one month shy of our 5th anniversry..which begs the question...

WHERE'S MY FUCKIN TEQUILA??!!

...now i got so many fuckin corn bits in my teeth i look like the Kansas countryside when i smile...

...be sure to catch me online tonight..as i'll be half tipsy and will be hittin on anything that moves..well..ALMOST anything...crackhead dont do that gay shit...

Today i came across an interesting article in the Washington Post...it stated that a company in California (where else?) came up with a way to take the carbon from a persons cremation..purify it...and make a DIAMOND out of it...so if yer loved one meets an unfortunate end...jes set em on fire...crush em with 1.6 million psi and VOILA!! a diamond!........I was readin the article in the copier room at work...there were 4 guys in there and two women...the two women said "awww thats sweeet!" the 4 guys were busy starin at each other seein who would make the biggest diamond...it was ALMOST bone chilling..then we just started laffin cuz JB would prolly make twice as many diamonds as the rest of us...hahaha..BIG JAY!! ya fat bastard....

keep in mind that its about 35 degrees, up on the roof and we were standin in a foot of cold water...for about ..ummm...3 hrs...the cool thing was...after we went downstairs and loaded all the crap back onto the van...WOW!!! look..a HOOTERS right next door!! SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETT!!...bad news? man..that fucker wasnt open yet...happy new year my ass..

it was almost like gigglin in church..where the quieter u try to be..the funnier it is...except i had my pants around my ankles..

for instance "golly gee..lookit my new blender..maybe i'll just slip my ballsack in here and press this here butto--OH MY FAWKING GAWD!!! I CANT FEEL MY DICK!!!"

...it was an hour or so after breakfast and dave decides to empty the gaseous contents of his bowels in a horrible display of rectular pyrotechnnics...

...after that we kinda just poked at his eyes and i had the feeling we were supposed to kill him..but then my alarm clock went off and it was time to join the realities of life..

well its snowing a little bit..and by a little bit i mean "HOLY SHIT LOOKIT ALL THAT SNOW!!"

you know who im talkin about..the ones who buy 50 rolls of toilet paper and 10 gallons of milk..what dumbasses..i mean..maybe if u didnt drink 10 gallons of milke you wouldnt NEED 50 rolls of toilet paper..nasty ass!!

if you are "politcally correct"..dont read ahead cuz you'll get offended...wait...please read it anyway cuz i think that "politcally correct" is the politically correct way to say "i have no fuckin balls at all and i dont want to offend anybody lest they come kick my pansy ass"..

why do they put the beer/likker in brown paper bags?? i mean, everybody already knows what yer drunk ass has in the bag..its not like "hmmm i wonder what he has in the bag...maybe some ancient sea scrolls or the Hope diamond..hmm" bullshit...

ohhhh and last night...im not sure if jayel noticed..but at dave n busters there seemed to be a LOT of deaf people...hearing impaired..whatever...either way they cant hear shit..

stoopid groundhog..why does he always have to see his shadow?? cant somebody just shoot his ass as soon as he comes out? or maybe spike his groundhog water with some vodka..then he wouldnt be seein SHYZ!! jes come out all fucked up and pass out right on the lawn..and BAM..instant summer! i bet he'd be willin to work somethin out with us...u know, hook him up with some hot groundhog babe in bikini holdin a martini...i'd bet that he wouldnt even know he HAD a shadow...somebody needs to look into this..im serious..

for now i will go eat breakfast and shoot people in vice city...apparently some of them still have their heads attached to their bodies...i must fix that...heh

SKURRY!..yeah man..no joke..ok..im startin to weird myself out...if i didnt think i was so cool..id kick my ass for bein a dumbass

ok....so there u have it...some of the stuff i found to be kinda humorous from past entries...hope u enjoy..yay!

Leave me a note..or dont..whatever yo :)

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