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2003-05-15 - 9:55 p.m.

i was too lazy to actually type anything up..so i just searched thru lots of old entries and found stuff that was funny...which actually took a lot more time than if i just typed some bullshit up..anywayz..here it is...

....its kinda like that..without the cool effects and the 400 pound ball o fur hollerin wookie obscenities next to me....

id be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pissed if she did cuz i had to beg n plead to get off of work to go to this thing so if she cancels..man...imma put a potato in her exhaust pipe and steal her battery...

whew...i was freakin myself out there for a second...ize all like "whoa! whos THIS crazy bastard?"

...so we wander up to the cafeteria and get some drinks..and by "get some drinks" i mean "bust into the cafeteria and drink and eat whatever we could get our grubby lil hands on".....

...we were constantly in radio communication with eachother cuz u never know when somethin important might come up...u know...like findin somebodys desk with a big ass jar of candy on it with a sign that says "my owner is a fat ass!...u should eat this candy to help him lose weight"...so bein the helpful kinda guys that we are...we obliged AALMALGUHARABBAROOOOO ...and it was good...

AUUUGHH...anywayz...my point is...shit i dunno...i have no fuckin point...i was just rambling to fill up space cuz my mind is blank and i have nothing to update on...

and then everybody laffed at her...i did too...i pointed and said "hahaha...u triflin ass bish!!" thats what i said...

flaky tender biscuits...smothered in warm creamy butter...bite by delectable bite they disappear into your mouth...Pillsbury...its like sex for yer stomach.

i tried drink milk and eatin some bread...no good...i had some "happy intestinal pressure relief" sessions and felt a LITTLE better..

yesterday i was talkin with this lady at work and she mentioned that she had a bake sale the day before and had all KINDSA goodies at her house so ize like "so what time u get off from work baby?" and she started laffin and insinuated that i didnt wanna spend time with her..that i just wanted some of the baked goods...man...how she know that??

...man, i dont know WHAT was wrong with my mandibles today...i spilled SO much food on my shirt that i had to put my jacket on to hide the plate of food that managed to adhere itself to my shirt...lets see...there was chili, going away party cake, mustard and some sort of juice...4 things doesnt it sound like much..but when they are grouped together in various degrees of "SPLAT!" across my chest..its not too attractive...it'd be even less attractive if somebody saw me lickin my shirt.. "wow...that poor deprived man..somebody get him some food!" ~splat~ "damn boy, u sure are a fuckin klutz, huh?!" so yeah...maybe i wont eat the shirt

so u actually LISTEN to the whole thing and not skip 3/4ths of it lookin for a song that doesnt suck peacock nipples....

then she bats her eyelashes and pouts her lip out...im like..wtf? r u tryin to flirt wit me? aint you MARRIED?...again...i dunno...she's like a midget wit two left feet tied together..SHE BE TRIPPIN!!

....im sorry..but i do NOT wanna hear about a bike seat jammed up between those two sides of pork you call buttcheeks...

..."brent...i fell asleep..we didnt get the pictures taken so im bringing brian back over" man...i wish my eyeballs were like...3 feet in diameter..i woulda rolled them suckas all over DC...

i came upon lots of traffic allllllll backed up to hell and i got all irritated cuz the accident wasnt even that impressive and yet people were all geekafied over it...

oh yeah...some woman signed my guestbook and said "you are really hot"...man...i swear..i must have the BIGGEST percentage of blind people readin my diary...

...somethin extremely funny happened over the weekend...but apparently the thought just just parachuted outta my ear and went shrieking out the door cuz i cant remember what the fuck was so funny....man..old age is a bitch, huh?

..im like..whoa...and i got all freeked out and hid in the closet with my stuffed monkey with the missing eyeball....but im ok now..

"hi..happy easter..yeah i know i look like a fuckin criminal..but i locked myself out...can i borrow your phone?"

...i hate when i try to get all intelligent and my brain just shuts down and iz like "dood..wtf are you tryin to prove??" haha....thats my brain...always lookin out...stoopid fucker

...speakin of butt ass horrible, somebody showed me a picture today...it was some fat chicks ass crack filled with cold cuts, lettuce, tomato and mayonaisse....needless to say crackboy will not be eating subs for a while...~gags~

Food: protein bar and a half gallon of water...YUM (actually it looks like im chewing my own shit)

now...one might think she was gonna kick my ass...but me bein the oh shit..whats the word? u know...where u always look on the bright side of things...fuck...brain fart like a bitch here...uhhhhhhh...damn...right on the tip of my tongue...~smackin my tongue~ DAMN!! haha..this aint right...im at a loss for words..or a word..whatever...uughhhh....man..is there even a word for what im sayin? or am i havin a weird ass moment here? ACK!! ooohhhhhh OPTIMIST!!

i have had an eyelash stuck inside my eyeball socket since i woke up this mornin..its botherin the piss outta me..i am grumpy...my eyeball twitches everytime it gets poked...AUUUGGHH!!! fuckin eyelashes...

)...so they came over and they looked at pictures and said how cute brian was and then thanh ate like....a 5 gallon bucket of the ice cream in 10 minutes and jayel was all like "dayum girl!! save ME some" then they started mud wrasslin and stuff like on that beer commercial...actually they didnt...but shit..that woulda been AWESOME!!

"hey...can u pass me that 'puh-nu-matic' grease gun please?" then they just look at me funny...i should be lookin at THEM funny...for sayin stoopid words with useless letters in them...arrogant bastards!!

...well guess what? crackbunny says "KISS MY ASS!!"

BUT..never fear as the always intrepid crackhead and the always alluring ninabean put our 7 collective brain cells (6 were hers) together and stumbled upon a horrible yet SIMPLE plot...we figure Osama had NOTHING to do with terrorist attacks..we think instead that he teamed up with Kraft and other companies to permeate america with HYDROGENATED FAT so we'd all become wallowing fatasses and eventually die of fatassedness...

Leave me a note..or dont..whatever yo :)

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